I need a way to spice up the bedroom activity!

Dear Dr. Milrod:

My long time girl friend is an entertainer and has lots of imagination. Still, I am wondering what I could do to spice up our lovemaking?

Love My Cinnamon

Dear Love My Cinnamon:

A good way to start would be to have an open and honest conversation with her about the issue. Does she also feel a need to spice things up, or is she fine with the way things are? I’m a firm believer in couples communicating, particularly when it comes to delicate sexual preferences. You’ll need to approach the subject gently if it seems to be a sticking point with her, and then voice your concern.

Of course, romantic gestures never fail to inspire passion. She’s your long time love, so you probably know what gets her in the mood. Flowers, chocolate, good music, wine, all those are the usual mood elevators in Western society. And, once she’s in the mood, take it from there. New positions? Bringing in a third party? Erotic costuming – for both of you, of course? New indoor/outdoor places to do it? Nature is always a powerful aphrodisiac, unless it’s freezing of course.

Generally, I find that long-term couples can get into a rut, and that mechanical lovemaking is the result, not the cause. The rut invades just about every part of the relationship. It’s understandable, but also manageable. Start from how you greet each other in the morning…an extra kiss or fondle, and it could set off unexpected fireworks. Or change your bedtime ritual…or your dinner habits – eat dessert on her body! The possibilities are endless; she just has to be surprised and entertained in a caring way. Women respond with their brains before their genitals, so engaging their emotions first will usually do the trick.

Christine Milrod, Ph.D.

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