Dear Dr. Milrod:

I was wondering what you thought about the role that escorts provide in the sexual health of our culture. In other words, in your practice, under what circumstances would you advise a client to patronize escorts? I’m sure that there are plenty of therapists that would never advise anyone to visit a provider.

Having Issues

Dear Having Issues,

I try to encourage my client to come to his/her own conclusions. But in general, I believe that seeing an escort may not be the solution to psychosexual problems for most male clients. Just as I don’t think going to Disneyland every day for months on end or eating tons of candy are good solutions to a child’s problem.

Now for people who have a lack of touch and physical contact in their lives, for whatever reason, I have advised them to get therapeutic massages, or obtain pet animals and such. We also work on ways in which such people can extend their boundaries and include the possibility of meeting more people in general. Oftentimes, people who lack opportunities for physical contact have been chronically depressed and/or have character disorders that prevent them from engaging on a deeper level with other human beings. There might also be bereavement issues. In that case, I don’t send a grieving widower to escorts or sex surrogates. We work on constructing a new meaningful life that might include taking steps to meet new people in general. When someone has been bereft of their loved one, it’s not so much the loss of sexual contact that is palpable; it’s the entire relationship and the emotions that are missing. Sending someone to an escort in that case would not be productive. Finally, I should say the “ideal” escort client [please apply term VERY loosely] is someone who is emotionally stable, able to observe boundaries, and perhaps just out to have some physical fun for the moment. Having paid sex, on either end, requires the capacity of letting go and seeing the encounter for what it is – and doing it in moderation.

Christine Milrod, Ph.D.