Dear Dr Milrod:

I frequently have trouble ejaculating with a condom. I have very little trouble staying erect. I can always ejaculate without a condom during oral or with a hand release. I would love to be able to ejaculate regularly like most people do with a condom on. Once in awhile I can but usually I can’t. I use Crown condoms which are supposed to be the best and they have helped a little bit. Any suggestions?

Not Happening

Dear Not Happening:

I don’t know what generation you’re from, but my own experience has been that guys who had their adolescent sexual experiences in the uncovered 1970s and before, do not appreciate condoms at all. And yes, some have problems ejaculating inside the condom. For the 1980s crowd and beyond, unless they’ve been in committed monogamous relationships, they’ve mostly done it with the gloves on. Since that’s all they know, their habituation to coverups is firmly in place.
Now there are polyurethane condoms such as Durex Avanti which are thinner than latex, Crown being probably the thinnest latex condom availabe. The problem with polyurethane, however, is that they can break, particularly if someone is of the sligthly larger configuration below the belt. There are lamb condoms which work for some in terms of extra sensitivity, but if you’re really worried about the HIV aspect, that might put a damper on things while in motion. It has been stated that lambskin is microporous and the HIV virus could possibly permeate. Also, lamb condoms have a peculiar “sheepy” smell, since they are made of sheep’s intestinal membranes. The scene from Woody Allen’s “All You Ever Wanted to know about Sex”, where Gene Wilder is being unfaithful with a sheep and his wife smells lamb chops as his body odor comes to mind. As for the psychological aspect, practice makes perfect. But you’ve got to really relax and try to focus on release, which in itself might create performance anxiety. Instead, ask yourself about those times when you ARE able to come in the Crown condoms. What is it about those times? Is it with a particular person? What are the surroundings like? Anything you eat or drink prior to engaging? Take a detailed inventory of those situations and then try to duplicate the conditions. Or perhaps penile-vaginal sex and manual stimulation from your partner will do the trick?

Christine Milrod, PhD