My partner is hurt by my extreme erection

Dear Dr. Milrod:

I am 28 years old and in a great relationship with a girl I’m planning to marry. Recently, we’ve had some sexual difficulties and we want to get them resolved. It turns out that my girlfriend complains about my super hard-on. She says it’s really painful. Is this really possible?


Dear Carter:

It may not be the erection itself that hurts your female partner – it’s the propulsion with which you force the rock hard object into the vaginal cavity. If she is not sufficiently lubricated, then it’s going to hurt having something go in and out with some pressure and force. Another possibility is that if you are in a position where you penetrate her deeply, you may be bumping into her cervix, which can also cause pain. Lastly, one issue may be if you are taking meds for erectile dysfunction. Oftentimes, this can turn an erection into a very hard penis; in fact, some men report feelings of near numbness or a “woody” penis, which can reduce sensation and cause you to push too hard to experience excitement and orgasm. Please take it very slow and make sure you excite her so that she will lubricate naturally (use extra waterbased lube if you are wearing a condom), and that her vagina will expand naturally and make room for the penile propulsion.

Christine Milrod, PhD

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