Dear Dr Milrod:

Why do I want to be unfaithful? I have thought about this long and hard and I believe it is for variety’s sake.  In that regard, I see three areas of variation:  First, physical. My wife is voluptous, so I would like to see what is is like to be with a petite lady.  But my wife has small breasts, so would like to try someone with larger.  Second area is behavioral. My wife has certain behaviors that are off the table , so I seek an experience where those behaviors are central, like trying anal sex, for instance. Third, is the attitude: My wife is docile, submissive, and so I long to have sex with a “take charge,” sexually aggressive woman.
Is there a deeper reason for all of this?

Potentially Unfaithful Guy

Dear Potentially Unfaithful Guy:

Well, it could be due to the “Genetic Imperative” and “Short Term Mating Strategies!” The Genetic imperative refers to the instinct of an organism to pass on its genes or reproduce. Although the phrase can be applied to any organism, it is generally used to refer to animal sexual reproduction. Genetic imperative is sometimes referred to as sex drive. Genetic imperative is important to the study of evolution. A species which lacks the genetic basis for genetic imperative does not reproduce and therefore dies out quickly. An organism with a high genetic imperative is likely to make more attempts to reproduce and is thereby more likely to successfully reproduce more times.

In evolutionary psychology, genetic imperative is important as a way of understanding family structure and gender interactions. It has been theorized that genetic imperative is the basis for male dominance in polygamous cultures, meaning that in some cultures it is acceptable for a man to have multiple wives who are as different from one another as possible (to reproduce more, better and faster), but it is rare for a culture to accept a woman having multiple husbands. The theory states that since it is biologically feasible for a male to impregnate many women in a shorter amount of time, while the female reproductive cycle is limited to intervals longer than nine months, the male genetic imperative compels males to seek multiple wives, while the female genetic imperative compels the female to seek one male who will help with the process of bringing the child to adulthood. Genetic imperative is also theorized to be the basis of exclusivity in sexual relationships. Since genetic imperative works in an organism by causing the organism to wish to spread its own genes, the organism tries to prevent other organisms from spreading their genes in the same territory. This behavior is theorized to be exhibited by humans in the exclusivity of many human sexual relationships, also known as monogamy.

Hence the crux: The tension between spreading your seed as your body is prompting you to do, and your desire to maintain sole exclusivity to the woman who will care for your progeny is propelling you into the direction of Short Term Mating Strategies. This will involve mating with as little investment as possible (in this case investing 18 years of care in the progeny that may result from spreading your seed.) So your task here is to “persuade” as many females as possible to copulate without any return on their investment. Now, since the female is very choosy about whom she will grant her offspring, she may actually copulate for a brief period of time and without extra demands if given an incentive. It may be advantageous for her to engage in short term mating if there is a corresponding reward. For escorts, to use an example, the incentive is money. So as you see, there are definitely evolutionary reasons for “the world’s oldest profession” to exist. It’s gone from chest-pounding and handing the female an extra banana, to power positions and exclusive shopping trips, or even cars and real estate. But everyone plays this game in some modified schema. As you said: variety is the spice of life. For men, it’s women…for women, it’s…new shoes. Just joking – women want variety too.

Christine Milrod, PhD