Dear Dr. Milrod:

I’m a 24-year-old straight male with a very healthy sexual appetite.  I am very sexually aroused by anything that’s “wrong” or that could get me in trouble.  I know this sounds strange, but I get a feeling of sexual arousal that is much more intense than traditional sexual stimulation when I’m in a situation that is taboo or in which I could be punished.

Last week, I was trying to get back to work after lunch, and I was running late. I had to get back to work or my boss would really be mad.  When I was coming in the door to my work, I was overcome by a feeling of sexual energy, almost like a hot flush. I hadn’t been looking at porn or even thinking about sex. All I knew was that I would get in a ton of trouble if I were late. I had to masturbate right then and there.  I ducked into the bathroom, and in a trancelike state started jerking off. It didn’t take long before I finished, but the whole time, I wasn’t even thinking about anything sexual, just repeating in my head, “This is wrong, I shouldn’t be doing this…This is wrong, I shouldn’t be doing this.”  My heart was racing, and I finished quickly. So, my question is: Is this feeling of sexual arousal common?

Johnboy

Dear Johnboy:

Let’s set the record straight, once and for all: What you have described is completely normal; oftentimes that which is forbidden in any way, shape or form – like masturbating on the job – becomes linked to stress and subsequent arousal. Sometimes, this arousal can become sexual, and therefore linked to physical/sexual sensation. This is also why any behavior or item can become fetishized. Now, since you are not describing any specific item or behavior inherent in the situation (simply running late and getting sexually aroused from knowing that you “mustn’t” be late cannot be classified as a “fetish” per se), we can’t call your overall pattern a fetish. Your age also has something to do with it. You have a healthy testosterone count, which is related to generating many sexual/erotic thoughts and ensuing feelings. Again, this is normal. I wouldn’t spend any more time worrying about this at all. As long as you act with propriety at work, as long as you don’t hurt anyone, or your partner refuses to give consent when you do engage sexually, you’re in the green.

Christine Milrod, Ph.D.