Dear Dr. Milrod:

My new girlfriend of one month is gorgeous from head to toe, with many highlights in between. My question is whether women like hearing talk about their body parts? Or would my comments about, say, her labia seem kind of perverse?

Leo

Dear Leo:

Let’s get one thing straight: all women like to be complimented – to a point. Sure you can say that someone’s labia are beautiful. Some women may have a complex about their genitalia, labia included, (sad but true) and if they hear compliments about this body part from a man, it may boost their self-confidence. Just make sure you also compliment her personality as well, just so she doesn’t feel reduced to an object.

But here comes the big caveat: if your attention becomes “body worshipful,” and the woman is not of the “kinky” (read BDSM) sort, with experience in having been “worshiped,” she could get very annoyed. Relentless focus and fawning over certain body parts can get women to feel suffocated and almost imprisoned, particularly since this kind of talk can start feeling overpowering from a psychological standpoint. If you see that she doesn’t react super enthusiastically, just try to contain yourself. If your girlfriend is as hot as you say she is, chances are she’s heard it many times over. The problem is that women can’t get enough of hearing praise from someone with whom they are madly in love, or at least reciprocally attracted to. But when new boyfriends get all enraptured, it can get very overwhelming, maybe because her feelings are not equally strong yet, and she can’t return them in the same manner. Also, it may contribute to feelings of excess objectification. And, if that happens, you may see an interesting bit of withdrawal on her part. That’s what drives many beautiful women to “back off” from a relationship – too much focus on their outer attributes seems to signal insincerity or even desperation at worst. Tread carefully and do not engulf, please.

Christine Milrod, Ph.D.