Dear Dr. Milrod:

I am 44 years old and my wife is 66. Lately our sex life has been so boring that I have started to check out girls on the Web. I just want to be with a younger sexy woman once in a while. Am I evil? What would you suggest the best way for me to deal with this?

Gustavo

Dear Gustavo:

You are certainly not evil. But you and your wife do have a big disparity in age and hence this may be reflected in her physical condition, sex drive, stamina, etc., in comparison to yours. The overwhelming majority of research studies point to the fact that women over 60 do not have the same sexual responses in terms of excitation, lubrication, orgasmic response, etc. as pre-menopausal women with no other physical or psychological issues. Even with hormonal replacement, things do slow down for older women. I guess it’s up to you both to decide if you want to work on it and accommodate some of these changes.

Not knowing anything about your marital situation, level of trust, disclosure, intimacy patterns, etc., makes it difficult to provide truly relevant advice. Of course, the no-brainer would be to discuss this sentiment of boredom in detail with your wife, both to let her in on your feelings, and also to give her a chance to express herself and any concerns/issues she may have with your sex life. Maybe she’s bored too, and maybe there are some things you both can do to alleviate the boredom.

Now, if you are asking whether or not you should be with another woman, that’s between you and your boundaries. Again, I have no idea what sort of arrangement you have with your wife in terms of permission to go outside the marriage to satisfy sexual desires, bringing in a third person into the sexual act, etc. But the idea of “being with a younger sexy woman once in a while” is so normal that no one is going to fault you for it or question the issue. What you do with your desires is more subject to your “morality” standards than anything else at this point.

Christine Milrod, Ph.D.