Dear Dr. Milrod:

Bringing some food into the bedroom intrigues me. I’d like to mess around with some chocolate, whip cream, fruit, or anything else that may be fun. I have a few concerns though. First, my hairy body is not going to be a pretty sight. Next, I hear there a health concerns on the female side. Apperently putting food inside a vagina doesn’t work too well. Do you have any good suggestions?

Chef at Heart

Dear Chef at Heart:

Who says food and genitals don’t mix? Depends on the food, of course. I wouldn’t stick anything vinegary in there; that could sting. But yogurt? No problem – very good for vaginal flora (particularly the unsweetened, Greek kind). Banana – no-brainer! Chocolate sauce, yes. Puddings – perfect, not harmful and very tasty. Chocolate pudding (or any flavor pudding) is great.  Use the non-dairy types that don’t need refrigeration.  Chocolate and other flavored syrups are also great and of course, whipped cream is de rigueur. Just make sure everything is room temperature; too hot or too cold doesn’t feel too good. Melted ice cream can also be fun, but make sure there are no nuts, etc. in it.  Frosting doesn’t work so well, too thick and rich.  As for your hairy body being covered – watch the honey, that’s actually used for hair removal in some cultures. But dipping your penis in something creamy – anything goes, depending on her culinary preference, of course. The shower is the place to play.  When you’ve had enough, just turn on the shower and wash yourselves and the tub clean.Do be very careful of the tub getting slippery from all the food.  You might want to put down a couple of non-slip mats, or have your fun sitting down. Come to think of it, you could eat a whole meal and wash up later – together!

Christine Milrod, Ph.D.