My girlfriend’s pelvis is hurting me!

Dear Dr. Milrod:

My girlfriend is a very energetic and dominant woman so she likes to get on top and is very physical about it. So much so that I hit her pelvic bones and she doesn’t care. But it hurts me! Lately, I’ve been asking her if I could get on top and do missionary or doggy style so I can control the pace, but I still end up hitting her bones a bit.  I have never been with other women where this happened. Is it because she’s too thin?

I’m Worried

Dear I’m Worried:

It could be that you are naturally slightly “misaligned.” Is it because she’s too thin? Maybe. I haven’t seen her, so I can’t tell. Perhaps you’re on the slim side too? Most guys with a little extra padding across their pelvic region don’t endure this problem.

It could also be your stature vs hers. Sometimes height, torso length, etc. can play a part in the mechanics. But do not despair. Here’s what you could do:

Since you do like her so much, I suggest telling her – with some charm and levity – that your bones keep crashing into one another and that you go home with some sore spots. Most likely, she’ll be concerned and very willing to resolve the problem. There are other positions you can do: scissor, she on a bathroom/kitchen sink with you standing, or she on her stomach lying down completely flat, with your penis between her buttocks. If you still have pain after mutual experimentation in many different positions, then maybe she does need to eat more food. Maybe she needs to go slower. You can tell her that too. Some tantrically inspired sex might honor the Indian tradition – and give you more pain-free pleasure.

Christine Milrod, Ph.D.

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